"Without realizing it, the individual composes his life according to the laws of beauty, even in

times of great distress." Milan Kundera

“Never Regret the Pain” has given a new purpose to my life – that of helping to de-stigmatize

mental illness. As I go around the country speaking about my book, I am met with tears, hugs,

kisses, thanks and intimate details of others’ experiences with addictions, drug abuse,

compulsive behavior and mental illness.


Research shows that those afflicted with mental disorder are, by and large, not prone to

violent activity. Recent school shootings by young men who had been hospitalized for

psychological problems are rarities compared to the general population of persons with

mental illness. I wonder if today's violent culture, openly demonstrated on television shows,

rap music, ‘shoot them up’ electronic games and lack of family closeness, triggers violent

behavior in young whether an individual is mentally ill or not.

Unfortunately, these shootings increase the stigma against the mentally ill. My belief is that

the more we talk, study and read about mental illness, the more knowledgeable we will

become and understand that millions of Americans who suffer with bipolar disorder or other

mental illnesses should not be condemned or shunned.


In response to the first edition of this book, the letters below demonstrate the need to share

one’s pain. They are from sensitive, intelligent and articulate readers whose lives have been

affected by their own mental illness or by members of their family. These people inspire me to

be an advocate on their behalf and to continue listening to their stories.

    9 March 2007

Hello Mrs. Yackley,


My name is Randy Biffany.  I was born and raised in Ottawa, Illinois. I went to school with

your children and had the pleasure of working with your daughter, Ayla, for a summer at the

city pool while I attended Illinois State University.  She was an enlightened soul.  After

graduation, I was hired as an account executive/copywriter for the local radio station

(WCMY).  I eventually moved throughout the country as a copywriter/consultant for media

and ad agencies.

However, my career ended several years ago when I lost my battle with depression and

subsequent self-medication with alcohol, which led to countless treatment programs,

hospitals, psychiatric offices, spiritual remedies and eventually homeless shelters.  I lost

everything.  I was destitute.

Fortunately, several months ago my loving and always supportive mother sent me a copy of

your book on Bipolar Disorder.  It was an epiphany for me; divine intervention; my saving

grace and definitely the impetus for overcoming my obstacles.  As I read the unfolding of

your husband's life and his tragic death I realized I was reading my story.  I finally

understood what was happening to me.  I sought medical treatment and implemented a

recovery plan based on the understanding I received from your words.

Today, I live a simple, modest life filled with a newfound freedom and peace I had never

experienced in my adult life. I am also pursuing my dream of freelance writing articles for

print and the web.

I had to thank you for your courage and honesty in writing a book that saved my life when I

thought it was over.



Sincerely,


Randy, San Jose, California

                                                                    29 February 2008

More from Randy


My life continues to cycle and fluctuate frequently.  But the understanding you provided

guides me.  I still refer back to your book when I struggle with my cognitive and emotional

behaviors.

Best wishes in your future endeavors.   

                                                                                      19 April 2006

Hi Sel,  


After discovering the title of the book, which my girlfriend brought home, I gobbled it up,

spending most of last night and this morning reading it.   I share with your departed husband

the insidious disease called Bipolar Disorder.   So, I was most interested, and a bit skeptical,

when presented with this well-written book that respects the memories you have of your late

husband, your family and your ability to cope with this illness, which you basically had no

control of.

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in early 2000 after years of being an undiagnosed

bipolar. Since that time, I have tried earnestly to kill myself twice, having been off and on

medications ever since, including Lithium, Depakote and anti-depressants of all varieties.  I

could definitely relate to Frank not wanting to take his pills. When bipolars are in their mode,

the last thing they want is the feeling of being "controlled".  I have tried to kill myself both when

on and off medication.   Ironically, the most serious attempt on my life was when I was fully

medicated, but fueled by alcohol to relieve the thoughts that persisted my mind during that

time...including homicidal and suicidal ideas.

Thanks to my disease, I ruined a marriage with a loving wife and…lost my life savings

(gambling, indiscriminate day-trading on stocks in the late 1990's).   I also had an affair with a

woman I met at a gambling casino.  I can go on and on and on... about how I decisively tried

to ruin my life and those lives around me.   When functional, I am a kind, giving person, just

like Frank was.  I live two lives. Kurt -- a bit of a shy, handsome introvert who grew up in

small Illinois and Iowa towns.... and the other Kurt -- a belligerent, mean person…

I am still in recovery and will be for the rest of my life. I try to live my life day by day and relish

what is still good in life.  Your book was a heady reminder of what I would be leaving behind,

and for that I am grateful that you shared a part of your life with me. Best regards,


Kurt, Chicago

                                                       


 5 March 2008

Kurt's Story Continues


I recently received a new diagnosis of major depression with extreme levels of anxiety.   I am

not bipolar based on this new, and more informed diagnosis.  The good news is that I am

being properly treated. I did really enjoy your book and would love to be a reference.  

31 March 2008

Sel,


You have asked for my ideas on what you can do to help families and consumers struggling

with mental illness. If I had only one suggestion to make it would be to promote the inclusion

of the families in the treatment of their mentally ill family member.

In dealing with my son Jack's illness, I personally felt that some in the medical

profession treated my husband, my daughter and me as if Jack's treatment was none of our

business...like they were the professionals, they were the experts, they would take care of

him. Our job was to trust them. Baloney.



Some, not all, of the doctors and clinicians acted like it was a violation of Jack's privacy to

discuss his condition with us. However, he had signed all the releases to have us included,

so we refused to sit in the waiting room and be left in the dark.

When we got ourselves into the doctor's office, we were often treated like we were either too

stupid or too uneducated to be worthy of an in-depth discussion. More often, we clearly got

the feeling that we were wasting the precious time of a very busy, high-priced professional.

All too often the big problem was this last one. The mental health care professionals were

busy and tired. We were taking up more of their time, and time was money they weren't

making on other patients. (They bill by the quarter hour, you know.) I stood my ground, but I

fear many get intimidated and give in…”the old "doctor knows best" approach.

I also firmly believe that all family members should be trained to identify suicidal tendencies

and how to respond effectively. There is training for "first responders" like school counselors,

police, ministers, etc, but families are usually the closest to the ill person and we should be

trained as well.


When Jack was being released from the inpatient treatment facility where he had been placed

for four weeks after attempting suicide the first time, we had to demand an exit interview with

his clinician, which was grudgingly given. Did he tell us what to look for so that this did not

happen again? No. It was never mentioned. Later we attended all Jack's appointments with

his psychiatrist and his clinician. Did they ever mention it? No. They had started him on

antidepressants, so we thought that meant that the depression problem was taken care of.

We went back to working on helping him deal with his other problems. Four months later he

was dead. About six months after Jack died, I attended a Suicide Prevention training seminar.

I was blown away by what I learned. All the warning signs had been there. I just had not been

trained to recognize them.

Bottom line, families need to be an integral part of the "treatment team". Actually all of society

needs to be a part of the team, but let's start with families. If you would advocate for that, it

would be very worthwhile.

Peg, Ottawa